Friday, November 4, 2011

I do... not understand

A man reserves his true and deepest love not for the species of woman in whose company he finds himself electrified and enkindled, but for that one in whose company he may feel tenderly drowsy.

George Jean Nathan

This quote has been on my mind lately. 

There was a time when every weekend I was at somebodies wedding.

Then there came the time when I was either attending a baby shower, or making dinner for someone with a newborn.

With a lapse of time, full of life's excitements, I've entered a new stage. 
I don't care for this stage.

Now instead of dressing up, playing baby shower games, or cooking, I am trying to help put my friends back together.

In your twenties, life is still so fresh and idealistic.  We all had beautiful weddings, and a lifetime of plans.  In our thirties and forties, that 50% marriage failure rate seems to be kicking in.

Each year, the amount of friends I watch pick up the pieces is closing in on that divorce statistic.

I have always been a little baffled about marriage and love.  The question is always in the back of my head:  Do you marry compatible love, or passionate love?  There doesn't seem to be a right answer.

In compatible love, you're safe.  You're with your best friend.  Eventually, you may get bored, fall out of love, or feel that you are missing something that may or may not exist.

Passion... ahh, who doesn't love and crave passion?  This also wears off eventually.  When the passion is gone, is there enough left to make it work?  Passion also brings the highs and lows of the heart.  When the tingling wears off, you may be left with a person you argue with, can't get along with.

So do you marry the safe, uneventful love that will provide a long stretch of road through life?  Do you marry the person that melts your heart into pieces, and hope, somehow, it never fades?

The people in comfortable marriages are getting restless.  The people with passionate marriages are slowly burning out.  And those individuals are seeking out the opposite love from their marriage.  And that love, like the one before, is doomed to fail for completely different reasons.

Sadly, I truly believe the answer is that human beings weren't meant to partner up forever.  Either that, or we are just living too darn long!  To borrow a phrase from a friend, we may have been meant to be monogam'ish.

But... that is unacceptable by our society, our values, and the very way we've been conditioned to feel.

So in conclusion, life is hard.  Marriage is hard.  There is no right answer, and I don't see us changing the marriage/divorce statistics in our lifetime.

Well that was depressing.

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